This article was originally written by Russ Finkelstein and was published on The Washington Post.
In my mind, I stride into every space I enter with a sharp outfit and overflowing with confidence and the enthusiasm to be there.
In reality, I see most events through the lens of riding a bucking bronco that I’m desperately grasping at to hold on to.
I’ve had to develop some routines and tendencies to make lengthier events, hmmmmm, more palatable. I go in already knowing that I have a tougher time with some of the social aspects of the event, so I take the following measures to diminish stress and make myself as comfortable as possible.
A few weeks prior to the event
I make sure that I have clothes and shoes that make me feel happy and confident. (Because of my colorblindness I also have to make sure that they match.) If I feel too constrained by what I am wearing, my shoes hurt my feet, or an item feels a bit threadbare it can set me off on a bad trajectory. Having a few items that you think you look good in and make you feel your best really helps adjust your attitude to start the day. Doing so a few weeks prior gives you the time to make any necessary unrushed purchases.
I dedicate time on the conference app if they have one. While the in-person social game isn’t my favorite thing, meeting via an app is very easy for me. I can do so at my own pace and research attendees to figure out who I know and want to know, say hello online and reach out early to schedule meetings with the people of greatest interest. While app icebreakers revealing that a cantaloupe is someone’s favorite fruit isn’t particularly helpful – it lowers the bar to connecting. As a bonus, these apps often even enable you to set up some small group sessions to meet with others in areas of shared interest where you control attendee numbers. That means that I can hold a session for 5 on any topic or have a small gathering of introverts.
I review all of the sessions to figure out which are of greatest interest and the most important for me to attend. If I only have so much ‘group time’ that I can tolerate during a conference day I prioritize sessions and plan around them.
I consider the events that make me most anxious, but that I feel I should still attend, and reach out to the people I know prior to go along with me. Hopefully, you have a few people you know who are attending and that you like. (See earlier point about researching attendees.)
I try to stay at the conference hotel because it makes it easier to suddenly locate a safe space if I need one. It also reduces the odds that I will get lost on my way to another venue which is usually pretty likely.
I take my 1:1 meeting scheduling seriously. If you are like me and do less well at big meals and sessions, you can plan ahead a schedule where you focus on all the times over the course of the event where 1:1 meetings can be scheduled in advance.
A few days prior to the event
Travel has an overwhelming ability to create additional stress. Figure out what can make travel the least stressful for you. Whether I am traveling a long distance or short one I make getting to the spot less anxiety inducing by getting to the airport early, having food I like with me, and some reading or listening material that I am looking forward to. I’m Pavlov Dogging myself with positive associations so the next time I have to take such a trip I will have happy associated memories. (The same thing can work if you are driving to an event by getting there with loads of time to spare, your favorite beverage on the way and a podcast you enjoy that you can listen to.)
I confirm my meetings a few days prior and make sure that nothing is too early or too late so I can get an appropriate amount of sleep. If you are better with some exercise, research the gym facilities at your hotel or bring what you need to engage in your yoga practice. I also know lots of people who research a run route they might take prior too. Just make sure to continue or increase the time you spend on those things that replenish you.
Another thing that I do depends upon what makes you feel better. I might spend time with friends in the conference city who are not connected to the event. I also cancel that night if the day has been arduous, but mostly I happily see them.
At the event
I can find the hustle and bustle of the registration table too much sometimes. Chiefly, it can remind me of the high school lunchroom where you are looking for friends to wave you over. So, I like to go as early as possible to register before the crowds build. I will also sometimes go with a friend or colleague that I can focus on.
I’ve had to learn over time to watch my energy carefully. Sometimes I overexert myself and feel like I need to make a very fast and sudden escape. I try to check-in with myself frequently about how I am doing and feeling so my departure doesn’t seem quite so abrupt. I may set a goal of being in a space for an hour, but if I can’t do it that’s ok. I’ll also allow for 15-minute breaks. Your cell-phone and the look of the “I’m on an important call” is a ready-made break in your pocket.
Bring a game. Bring an anecdote. Bring a book. Bring cool shoes. I will have around me props that can start conversations or be a thing to do. I can have on my new John Fluevog shoes, a collection of short stories, the game “Just One”, or my anecdote about being painted in the nude for Salmon Rushdie (kind-of). Something other than “How are You” or “How is Your Conference Going” is just better for me.
I’m a lavisher. As in I can lavish attention and go deep in on one person who then becomes safe to me. I look out for those folks and have learned to seek out those who may also feel isolated from the herd in the wilds of the conference Serengeti.
It helps me greatly to have goals at an event. As a result, I define what success looks like for me each day. I may go in with a goal of attending 2-3 sessions, seeing 1-2 people I know and meeting 3-4 new people. I try to set achievable goals that make me more confident as the event goes on and build confidence for future events.
After the event
I apply my usual approach to reaching out and connecting with everyone I met via LinkedIn before they forget me. (As if they ever could!)
Do the things that involve no people. Laundry. Binge watch television. Solo walks. Quiet. Lots of quiet.
Thanks for reading. I hope this gives you a measure of confidence, fellow introvert. Now I need my space.
—Russ Finkelstein [linkedin.com] is the opposite of your High School Guidance Counselor. A career coach, social entrepreneur, and advisor to founders, he is currently the Director of Coaching with the Roddenberry Fellowship and a Coach-in-Residence with StartingBloc Fellowship. He was a founder of the noted careers website Idealist.org and was chosen as a Generation Z & LGBTQ Influencer by LinkedIn.
